Instead Of
Insteadof

A hypothetical podcast wherein three friends consider life's real headscratchers: What if instead of with hands, sign language meant communicating with cue cards? How much ranch dressing is too much…on a salad at Macho Man Randy Savage’s house? What are we all, like, even doing here? Think of us as the very best of the replies on AskReddit, because then we can think it too.

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    The Rules of the Robe

    Danger: life's thrillingest sensation. When we're in danger here at Instead Of HQ, our bodies get all excited. You know the feeling—that's the thing, everyone knows the thrill of midlevel danger. Some of your hosts even seek it, whether by somersaulting through the back alleys in gangs of thieving, tumbling toddler tinmen, or by CALLING THE ROBOTS BACK. That's right—we take on robocalling in this one, and boy do we miss our social security numbers. Later on, Josh follows through on a promise, Mike feels the influence of motorcycles, and Tapan #motivationhacks the sickest planning and prioritization meeting.

    Pairings: SUGAR; WATER; a left-handed pianist

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    The King of Appliances

    What do we know about death? You might be dumb-cocked to find out that if you play your death right, it can save you a bit of cash, and even dying incorrectly can give you a clean break from the daily grind. When our golden boys flex their other brains like this, you’re sure to learn something new, like how to be an hvaccessory to a scam sweeping the southeast United States or how to bring some excitement to your potty, your mouth, or your potty mouth.

    Pairings: a strongly-encouraging letter from a lawyer; fermented leaves set ablaze; a dartboard covered in curses

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    A Crisp High Five

    When it comes to solving your day-to-day business problems, everybody knows that consultants have all the answers. Here at the firm of Jani Harrison Bogart, we consult on all sorts of crap, including: pizza, and how to sell it for less than you paid, fundamentally altering the pillars of American democracy, how to find the one person at work it's okay to touch, and more. Also in this episode, we slam a big stack of burgers, spit on each other, and come face-to-face with LORD DUMP ANT.

    Pairings: a steak and a cake; mainlining a webinar; at least 8 thetans

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    The Pod Squad

    Man, this is one of those classic 'sodes where all we do is vamp and gab. Tapan Krangs Mike around for awhile, we each give each other a good Hegsething, and we even climax in Apex. Later on, Tapan treats us to a savvy Super Saiyan sidebar, Mike baywatches some Aussie hunks, and Josh, well... Josh compromises the paper layer.

    Pairings: l33t crane hackz; a shorter cat commute; a Dakota (to boot)

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    Jorts, Personified

    Our teammates: we kiss them deeply, we get colonics together, and we savage them with drumsticks until they finally do the foley right. This week at Instead Of HQ, we're propping up each other's dead bodies and Whiplashing like Bernie to bring you hot content such as: ping pong, spitting in jars, Tapan's Oscar snub, and eating the feelings of your friends.

    Pairings: a screen to watch videos on; versatile tubing; a kissable bestie

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    This Isn't Frank's House?

    If there's one thing we pride ourselves on here at Instead Of, it's staying current with the coolest fads and the trending hashtags out there, which is why—you guessed it—this episode is Bundy-adjacent. That's right: we saw the show, too, and boy are we gonna talk about it. Later on, Tapan puts his cup down, flips it, and reverses it, Mike gets even with Brian Urlacher, and Josh explains why Coolio is still cool enough to hang out with kids.

    Pairings: The phone of a ninja; the confidence of a cool teen; a heart worth taking

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    Whatever You Do, Do Not Hit That Old Man

    Sometimes the best moments in life are the ones that catch you by surprise. You know, like when you show up to do your normal weekly podcast and are confronted by a masked hellbeast with nice hair. That’s right, we welcome our first guest this week, and you’ll never, ever guess who it is, no matter how many questions you ask. Tune in to this one and you’ll get to hear our mystery guest class the place up a bit with topics like: the guystander effect, Josh’s incessant waffle-related boasting, clothes you can smoke, dying soon, and more!

    Pairings: a solid tooter; a 15 pounder; ...two showerheads!

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    His Name Was Andy

    Each moment, the bonds that tie us together through space and time weave together anew, continually updating and adding to the immense, interconnected tapestry of experience that shows us what it means to be human. These singular moments of connection--smiling at your neighborhood optometrist, sharing in the delight of the latest Andy Yankovic number, the chance discovery of a cool dead bird--often go on to inform the courses of our lives, the contents of our characters. That'll explain a lot about your hosts this week, during which: Josh unearths his deep childhood love for Andy Yankovic, Tapan hits pause, and Mike calmly displays his penis.

    Pairings: incorrect origami; a louder mop; a weed-related destiny

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    Tribute

    Self-help books will tell you that all the big successes in life are built on a mountain of failures. Similarly, Tenacious D will tell you that sometimes the tribute to the great podcast episode you did that no one heard because someone neglected to record their third is just as good as that original great episode. That's what we're banking on in this one, in which: Mike beefs it hard, Tapan reads a book in aggregate, Josh entices thirsty sloths, and we cook up a big old batch of Mango Everything.

    Pairings: kneepads; a choice LP; playlist envy

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    Paternal Human Father

    In the movies, it's really great when you come home after a long time away. Maybe you're a soldier, and your dog is really excited to see you. Maybe you've been traveling for work, and your partner has made you a romantic meal. Movies are great, aren't they? When you return to a podcast after a break, it turns out all you get is homework and whale shit. That's right—Mike and Josh recombine with Tapan this week, and we're digging fingers-first into important topics like: confidence and freedom vis a vis the nose palate, the relative merits of trophy husbandry, and the dogged pursuit of trivia. Later on we evaluate one another's lives, Josh gets licked, Tapan's suction cups don't align, and Mike successfully keeps the mic out of his mouth.

    Pairings: a cough of agreement; an owl-pinion; a happenin' daddy-o

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