Instead Of
Insteadof

A hypothetical podcast wherein three friends consider life's real headscratchers: What if instead of with hands, sign language meant communicating with cue cards? How much ranch dressing is too much…on a salad at Macho Man Randy Savage’s house? What are we all, like, even doing here? Think of us as the very best of the replies on AskReddit, because then we can think it too.

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    In Your Face, Though

    In this one, Josh KICKS TAPAN IN THE DICK, Tapan PUNCHES MIKE REALLY HARD, we all SLAP EACH OTHER'S FACES and SAY MEAN THINGS, Josh and Tapan HIT MIKE WITH CHAIRS, Josh gets SLAMMED INTO A TABLE, we JUMP OFF CAGES ONTO EACH OTHER'S STOMACHS, Mike PUSHES JOSH OVER VERY AGGRESSIVELY, Tapan PULLS HIS OWN HAIR, and we finally BEAT EACH OTHER TO DEATH WITH LADDERS. Welcome to our wrestling episode! In this one, we get to the bottom of why all these folks are so mad at each other. Later on, Josh is haunted by the penultimate Schadenfreude, Tapan actually makes a pretty sweet lightning round music video, and Mike takes the piss out of himself.

    Pairings: Josh's mania; a phone with a clock inside; virtual friends to kiss

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    Rampage of Rex Charlieson

    Welcome back to Hypertheticals, the long-tail podcast where three biologists don't get each other's jokes. We're doing all your favorite segments this week: Bozos in Charges, Finding Nemo Chat, and the ever-popular Butt Hacks. Just kidding! It's Instead Of here, doing one of those classic early April goofs. We recorded this one on April 1st, and boy did we get got. Additionally, Tapan cultivates a Danish aesthetic in his party area, Mike meets an ancient Spartan, and Josh has the hardest butt in podcasting.

    Pairings: words; swords; Jerry Stiller

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    For Tissimo

    Rhyme:reason::time:season. Think about it. Now that you've thought about it, you've realized that, much like this episode, that analogy doesn't mean anything. Yep, it's all noise and no signal in this one--not gonna find any rhyme or reason here, nor really any meaning at all. We filled the time, sure, and oh! were there laughs, but did we really say anything? We certainly designed some Jibbitz, and we did come to a mousse/moose truce. There was the singing at the end, too. Oh, the singing.

    Pairings: Saxojurz® PM; the freedom to live your Miller life; the partiest limo in Florida

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    Wall of Fire

    You might have felt magic the first time you looked into your partner's eyes. Perhaps you've witnessed one of David Blaine's many street miracles. Maybe you're god. In any case, real-life magic is hard to come by. There are a few guaranteed places to find it, though: on the Game of Thrones planet, in select David Blaine episodes, and at Mike Bogart's Magic Store. Here at Mike Bogart's Magic Store, 5% of our loot chests contain bona fide magic, but the real trick's on you! Also in this episode, Josh takes to Reddit to finally reveal which religion is right, Mike's mayoral bid is squashed by umbrage on the letter Y, and Tapan visits the world's finest hugging bakery.

    Pairings: the rock bottom expectations of total anonymity; concise commandments; spaghetti, but in the mail

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    The Rules of the Robe

    Danger: life's thrillingest sensation. When we're in danger here at Instead Of HQ, our bodies get all excited. You know the feeling—that's the thing, everyone knows the thrill of midlevel danger. Some of your hosts even seek it, whether by somersaulting through the back alleys in gangs of thieving, tumbling toddler tinmen, or by CALLING THE ROBOTS BACK. That's right—we take on robocalling in this one, and boy do we miss our social security numbers. Later on, Josh follows through on a promise, Mike feels the influence of motorcycles, and Tapan #motivationhacks the sickest planning and prioritization meeting.

    Pairings: SUGAR; WATER; a left-handed pianist

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    The King of Appliances

    What do we know about death? You might be dumb-cocked to find out that if you play your death right, it can save you a bit of cash, and even dying incorrectly can give you a clean break from the daily grind. When our golden boys flex their other brains like this, you’re sure to learn something new, like how to be an hvaccessory to a scam sweeping the southeast United States or how to bring some excitement to your potty, your mouth, or your potty mouth.

    Pairings: a strongly-encouraging letter from a lawyer; fermented leaves set ablaze; a dartboard covered in curses

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    A Crisp High Five

    When it comes to solving your day-to-day business problems, everybody knows that consultants have all the answers. Here at the firm of Jani Harrison Bogart, we consult on all sorts of crap, including: pizza, and how to sell it for less than you paid, fundamentally altering the pillars of American democracy, how to find the one person at work it's okay to touch, and more. Also in this episode, we slam a big stack of burgers, spit on each other, and come face-to-face with LORD DUMP ANT.

    Pairings: a steak and a cake; mainlining a webinar; at least 8 thetans

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    The Pod Squad

    Man, this is one of those classic 'sodes where all we do is vamp and gab. Tapan Krangs Mike around for awhile, we each give each other a good Hegsething, and we even climax in Apex. Later on, Tapan treats us to a savvy Super Saiyan sidebar, Mike baywatches some Aussie hunks, and Josh, well... Josh compromises the paper layer.

    Pairings: l33t crane hackz; a shorter cat commute; a Dakota (to boot)

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    Jorts, Personified

    Our teammates: we kiss them deeply, we get colonics together, and we savage them with drumsticks until they finally do the foley right. This week at Instead Of HQ, we're propping up each other's dead bodies and Whiplashing like Bernie to bring you hot content such as: ping pong, spitting in jars, Tapan's Oscar snub, and eating the feelings of your friends.

    Pairings: a screen to watch videos on; versatile tubing; a kissable bestie

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    This Isn't Frank's House?

    If there's one thing we pride ourselves on here at Instead Of, it's staying current with the coolest fads and the trending hashtags out there, which is why—you guessed it—this episode is Bundy-adjacent. That's right: we saw the show, too, and boy are we gonna talk about it. Later on, Tapan puts his cup down, flips it, and reverses it, Mike gets even with Brian Urlacher, and Josh explains why Coolio is still cool enough to hang out with kids.

    Pairings: The phone of a ninja; the confidence of a cool teen; a heart worth taking

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